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For the longest time I could never understand why creationists and “biblical literalists” were so irrationally absurd in their arguments regarding the age of the earth, the theory of evolution, etc. It was one of those things that, being (hopefully) a reasonable guy, I could just never comprehend. But then I studied up on Genesis.

Reading the story, trying to look at it as a metaphor rather than Truth, I was particularly fascinated with the part about not eating the forbidden fruit of knowledge. (After all, ignorance is bliss – or in this case Paradise). As you know, it was the work of a serpent – by some accounts even Satan himself – who persuaded the woman Eve (who then dragged poor Adam down, too) to disobey God and thus sacrifice a life in Eden. And what a terrible deal (figs don’t even taste that great)!

So now I understand what all of the “literalists” are talking about: they’re hardcore originalists. For what better way to get on God’s good side than rejecting knowledge, conscience and reason – the very gifts of the devil? After all, it was Luther who said,

But since the devil’s bride, Reason, that pretty whore, comes in and thinks she’s wise, and what she says, what she thinks, is from the Holy Spirit, who can help us, then? Not judges, not doctors, no king or emperor, because [reason] is the Devil’s greatest whore.

And – as everyone knows – whores are gross.