It was a sad (good?) day for the University of Minnesota Morris community as a handful of students were raptured from this temporal realm to serve the high lord for all eternity (presumably; we’re also assuming it was the Abrahamic God who did the rapturing). As freethinkers, we were fairly skeptical about the entire ordeal when the first warning signs began showing up around campus … After all, Harold Camping’s predictions have been wrong in the past. Surely it would be foolish to back up and say, “Wait wait! I meant October 21, not May,” right?
Yeah, turns out we’ve totally been on the wrong side of the theology debate. Sorry, folks. Our bad.
When we had first come across the warning signs we decided to approach the rapture’s most vocal campus proponents and ask a few questions. Trying our best not to troll, we simply explained to them the importance of using reason and logic in one’s approach to both society and the world since, well, these things built civilization. They, they state proudly, of course would have nothing to do with such nonsense since scientific method was the devil’s method (or something like that).
Lest we stress ourselves out, we left them some literature that explained what it meant to be an atheist and a freethinker and were getting ready to leave. At the very least, we were hoping, if the rapture were to happen maybe God would see the pamphlets and cast them down via guilt by association. As we would soon learn the only guilt to be had was our own.
Thinking they were trolling us at this point, you can imagine our surprise when, suddenly, their clothes dropped limply from their flesh. Standing nude before us, their bodies radiating with a warm, translucence glow, our lives of sin flashed before our eyes (specifically those years in biology and philosophy classes). Scared and confused all we could do was watch as they transcended into the sky, their arms flailing wildly as they spun trying to find balance, their genitalia flapping vulgarly in the wind.
(You’ll thank us for not photographing that part).
Now there may be some atheists out there claiming that Harold Camping’s end of the world prediction is wrong, but let me ask you this: can you be wrong THREE times? That’s just statistics, sheeple. If the evidence here does not persuade you that everything in the Bible (EVERYTHING) is true, then we do not know what will.
We on the other hand are ready to drop the “A” from the title of our blog.